Fix You
Part of the Songfic Series. This is going to be EXTREMEMLY TRAGIC AND DEPRESSING. Even more then my usual stuff. Enjoy! :D Fix You When you try your best but you don't succeed :"Runningnose!" :I look up to see a small tabby pelting towards me carrying a small bundle. "Dawncloud!" I meow in shock, "You're a queen, what were you doing in the battle?" :"Brokenstar sent me," she meows, "Besides, it's only been a few days, I'm fine. It's Pinepaw..." :She deposits the light brown kit-apprentice on the moss, as softly as she can, I want to wail. Pinepaw is a 4 moon old kit-apprentice that Brokenstar forced into apprenticeship like he's done with all the kits. The fight with WindClan has clearly taken it's toll on poor Pinepaw. Scratches cover his tiny body and I feel revulsion that WindClan would attack such a small apprentice. :As if reading my mind, Dawncloud meows softly, "Brokenstar did that. He thought Pinepaw was being a coward." she gulps as she points with her tail to the huge gash in the kit-apprentice's belly, "Mudclaw gave him that when Pinepaw charged Tallstar." When you get what you want but not what you need... When you feel so tired but you can't sleep... :Dawncloud pelts out after telling me all she can about the battle, injuries, and what happened to Pinepaw. I shudder, wondering which kit-apprentice she'll bring back next. I shake my head, clearing away those thoughts as best I can and bend over Pinepaw, examining his wound. :Without warning, Pinepaw's eyes fly open and he gasps. I take a step back, his pine-tree green eyes shocking my back into the day when I helped his mother give birth to him. How little time has passed... :"What happened?" he croaks, "Did we win?" :I sigh. "They're still fighting. You got hurt. Do you want to sleep?" :He blinks, his eyes wider now, fully awake except for the slight doziness from the poppy seeds I gave him to help the pain. "But I'm not sleepy." :"You should be..." I meow softly. Stuck in reverse. :"What happened?" Pinepaw asks, his tail twitching slightly. Kits never can sit still. "Why am I here?" :I gulp, Pinepaw doesn't notice, "You don't remember?" :"I remember charging Tallstar. Brokenstar said he'd make me a warrior if I killed him." Pinepaw says matter-of-factly. "I didn't want to, but I had to because Boulder shoved me and I had to run to get out of everyone's way. Then someone hit me....and I don't remember." :"Mudclaw." I meow sadly, "He hit you and scratched your belly open." :"Oh.." Pinepaw says, looking disappointed, "But am I gonna be a warrior?" :I don't feel the heart to tell him that he will never be a warrior, that Brokenstar and his mentor aren't even here to see him, let alone give him a ceremony. But I have to. :"Pinepaw...you have a very bad scratch. And I'm going to do everything I can..." :Even though he's a kit, he understands. And the tears come streaming down your face. :I watch him look, down, then back at me, then back down again as tears pool in his eyes. He's trying to figure out what I mean without asking questions or actually asking if he's dying or accepting it. I've seen it too many times. When you loose something you can't replace. :"But what am I gonna do?" Pinepaw meows, softly at first, then rising to a wail. "I'm just a kit!" :Yes, ''I think, ''But by ShadowClan standards you're practically a Warrior. '' :"I'm never gonna grow up or have a mate or be leader..." his eyes are wide and disarrayed. 'When you love someone but it goes to waste.' :Every single kit in ShadowClan. I love them. I was the first cat to see then, to hold them and pass them to their mother. I love them as if they were my own. :And lately too many of them have died. 'Could it be worse?' :Pinepaw buries his face in his tail. 'Lights will guide you home' 'And ignite your bones' 'And I will try to fix you...' :"It doesn't have to be that way though." I meow softly. "I'm going to try to patch this up, mend it with cobweb and things and you may have a scar, but you might be alright. :He uncurls a little, his green eyes peeking out from under the protection of his fluffy kit-tail. "Really?" 'And high up above or down below' :''StarClan can't have this one, ''I think. ''They've already gotten too many kits...Blossompaw, Toadpaw, Marshpaw...They can't take Pinepaw. Not yet. '' 'When you're too in love to let it go' :I stepped out of the medicine den for a moment to take a breather. Almost immediately 3 stars swirled down from the sky, morphing into the transparent forms of Raggedstar, Mallownose, and Blossompaw. :"It's too hard," Blossompaw meowed, her tortoiseshell pelt glowing slightly in her own shine. Her eyes were bright as she tried to peek in the den. I always knew she wanted to be a medicine cat. :"Don't break yourself trying to help him," Raggedstar meowed, his eyes also bright but also filled with so much more pain then Blossompaw's. :"Runningnose," Mallownose meows softly. I turn to her, "I trained you to be a medicine cat. And sometimes that means letting go when there's no hope. Pinepaw will die. And you will loose yourself too because you tried so hard to save him. And you will fail." :"No," I growl, "I won't let that happen. Not again." I shove through them, the spirits disappearing as I pad through the space they once stood. 'But if you'll never try, you'll never know ''' :I pad back into the den with a deep breath, then immediately gasp, rushing to Pinepaw's side. :His eyes have become more glassy, his tail has stopped twitching, and his breathing is off. Just what you're worth. Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you. '' :"You cannot save him" ''the words ring in my head as I work over Pinepaw's body. :"You should not try," I reach for the cobwebs. :"''It is hopeless. You will loose yourself," I plaster even more cobwebs on the wound, having to take them off almost right away because of the blood. Tears begin to cloud my vision. ''Tears stream down your face :Pinepaw's eyes, which have been closed for the last few minutes flutter open. He paws at my leg and I look down, tears falling fast from my eyes. :He meets my gaze and once again I am lost in a day 4 moons ago when Pinekit opened his eyes for the first time. :"It's not working, is it?" he meows quietly, "I'm dying." When you loose something you can't replace :I curl around him, not caring or noticing that his blood is beginning to stain my pelt. :"Yes," I whisper. :"Thank you," he meows so faintly I almost miss it. :"For what?" I say in surprise. "I failed you." :"No," Pinepaw whispers, "You tried." Tears stream down your face :He is crying now too. "But I'm really scared." :"Don't be," I meow, "StarClan will take you home." And I.. :I tried to save him. I did. Tears stream down your face. :He lays back, his eyes becoming glassy, his breathing coming slower. I lay by him, watching his tiny chest move up and down as he breaths. The tears are still flowing. And I promise you I will learn from my mistakes. :"I promise I won't let another cat die like this," I whisper, licking his forehead, "I will learn from this. I won't let another cat die because of my mistakes again." :He is too far away to hear me. Tears stream down your face. And I... :I tried so hard. But I failed. Just like Mallownose said. Lights will guide you home... :I fell asleep with him. I woke up in the morning while he stayed curled in his nest. his eyes closed. His body was still warm but the life had left it. :I picked up his still body and carried it out of the den. No one had returned yet, but I saw a shape moving. I set Pinepaw's body on the ground and looked up. :Two cats were watching me. Mallownose looked sorrowful and I knew she felt absolutely no joy in being right. Pinepaw stood by her side, his fur groomed and his eyes bright, no sign of the scars and blood on his body. He looks at me and mouths something. I can't hear, but I know what he's saying. :Thank you. And ignite your bones. : Suddenly, Brokenstar comes in, leading his gang of warriors into camp. He is scratched in several places, but he looks exhilarated from the battle. :"We won!" he yowls triumphantly, "WindClan should've known better to re-mark their borders, they're ours now!" he catches glimpse of Pinepaw's body "So, the little mite died, huh? Oh well, another useless kit. There are many of them, we didn't need that one." His gaze travels up to my still tear-stained face, and his tone turned mocking, "Does someone have the weepy willows?" he laughs obnoxiously as I say nothing. :Growing tired of taunting me and the dead cat, Brokenstar snarls, "Well bury his stinking corpse and get back here. We got a warrior injured and two more useless apprentices. :I know the 'apprentices' are probably both 3 moons old. And dying. But I say nothing, just pick up Pinepaw's body and pad out of camp to the Pine Grove where ShadowClan cats bury our dead. I stop underneath one of the smaller pine trees at the edge of the clearing and drop Pinepaw, starting to dig. :I finally finish, burying him, then turning and catching the eye of his spirit. Mallownose dips her head to me and Pinepaw trots forward, stopping so that we're eye to eye. For the final time, I am shocked back to that day.... :He dips his head, licks my forehead- I can't feel it- then scampers back to Mallownose who leads him up into the stars where they vanish. And I will try :I arrive back at camp, Dawncloud rushing to meet me, "Runningnose, one of the kits is coughing..." :I survey the camp, the boisterous warriors, Brokenstar arrogantly re-enacting a tangle with Tallstar, some queens nervously eating before retreating into the nursery, and some kits talking to apprentices their age who look very frightened. :"Runningnose?" Dawncloud snaps me back to place. I can almost glimpse green eyes behind her, and I know I will never stop seeing them, never stop blaming myself for his death. :Pinepaw. :"Alright," I meow softly, "Let's go," Dawncloud and I head back to the den. ''To fix you. '' :''I tried. '' Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics Category:Songfic